And the eleven weeks, which I have described as being perfectly normal with a man on a ship.
And in the April I made myself go back through the actual messages, because Nuala asked me what normal had consisted of.
There are about four hundred of them between the twenty-third of April and the eleventh of July.
And they are not normal. They are better than normal.
I sent him more in those eleven weeks than in the eleven before it. Photographs of the girls most days. A video of Goldie doing something with her hands on the ninth of May.
And on the second of June I sent him a long one, at night, about how hard it had been and how much I was looking forward to him being home.
And every word of that was true, which is the part I cannot get round.
I was not performing. I did want him home. I was twenty-nine with two babies and I was on my knees.
